…the dreamers of the day are dangerous men

In conversation with ‘el Capitan’ – Parto dos

“So what films are from England then, apart from Mr. Bean?”

Captain Baroh was leaning back in his chair, his feet stretched out over the top of the wooden ships wheel. Smiling and smoking. He was laying a trap. Again.

This had become a regular tit-for-tat between me and Baroh.

He’d ask me a question about England that, due to his total ignorance of English culture, would be almost impossible for me to answer to his satisfaction, thus proving that Indonesia, or more frequently, America, was the superior nation.

The question was not of course: “what films are from England apart from Mr. Bean?” it was: “what actors are from England that I know that aren’t Rowan Atkinson?”

There are four genres of film that are on Baroh’s radar: pornos, Hollywood action and Mr. Bean. So, apart from Mr. Bean, who was already out of the question on a technicality, I was struggling and Baroh was loving it.

Will: “Look, just because you don’t know them doesn’t mean there aren’t any!”

Baroh: “okay, okay, I’ll help you, how about Arnie?”

W: “American”

B: “Stalon?”

W: “it’s ‘Stallone’ you idiot. American”

B: “Seagal?”

W: “American”

B: “Van Damme?”

W: “American”

B: “Norris?”

W: “American”

B: “Rainbow?”

RAINBOW?

W: “English! How do you know Rainbow Baroh!?”

I sat bolt upright. I couldn’t believe my ears.

In my exhausted state I had assumed he was referring to 80s children’s favorite with Zippy, George, Bungle and chums.

This was quite a turn up for the books!

I could suddenly imagine Baroh and his children, sat at home, watching Rainbow together. It was sweet, poetic, almost. I was suddenly seeing a lighter, nay, softer side to this tour-de-force of sexual perversion. I suddenly felt a lot closer to the man, after all, I too had grown up on a diet of Zippy’s antics, sure, it freaked me out when Howard would rather cruelly use his zip-mouth disability against him but still…

Baroh just looked on confused.

B: “you know with the red bandana” he motioned round his sweating forehead with a lit cigarette.

W: “oh.”

He mean’s ‘Rambo’.

“American.”

3 responses

  1. Julia

    Daniel Craig was surely worth a shot!

    November 12, 2012 at 4:51 pm

    • Tried it! FAIL.

      Should have done Jason Statham though! They LOVE Statham!

      November 12, 2012 at 4:59 pm

  2. Julia

    They didn’t recognise James Bond? Should have told them they didn’t deserve to watch films.

    November 12, 2012 at 5:44 pm

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